Flat Line
by Brookebynature
Summary: “I wanted to believe him.” Her eyes were cloudy, tired, sad. “And I couldn’t. And all I could think of was you standing on the steps asking me not to go, and I was so mad at myself for making the wrong decision.” Nate/Serena set after 3x13


**A/N- **I had to write this because I've absolutely fallen in love with Nate since he confessed his love to Serena. I'm sorry that the title and lyrics aren't centered. FF just won't comply :(

Hope you guys enjoy, and for anyone wondering when the next update of Five Doors Down will come...it's in the process of being done. Chapter should be up today or tomorrow :)

Lyrics are from 'Winter Winds' by Mumford and Sons.

Enjoy, and please review :)

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**Flat Line**

_We'll be washed and buried one day my girl_

_And the time we were given will be left for the world_

_The flesh that lived and loved will be eaten by plague_

_So let the memories be good for those who stay_

He'd slept, or not slept, with the constant beeping throbbing through his forehead, his ears, his veins. Every time his eyes closed, heavy from willing her to open hers, they'd spring open again at the vision of red tainting her blonde hair.

He hated that she might not have been found. He hated that it was a member of his own family that left her. He hated that it wasn't him who found her.

"She's asking for you." Blair said, smiling a horribly sympathetic smile before Chuck rubbed her arm and led her home. Only Blair said the same thing every time, Chuck nodded at him the same way every time, and Serena was gone every time. He hated the blue flat line in his dreams more than he'd hated anything ever.

Each time he went there, he had to ignore Lily's guilt and Eric's near constant presence. He had to ignore that the only time she opened her eyes was when he wasn't there. Purposefully.

Dan came. And Vanessa. They were holding hands and smiling, even when they didn't know for sure whether she was okay. He couldn't muster up enough energy or enthusiasm to congratulate them or grin at his friend like he might have done had they not been in a hospital room.

Still, Dan patted him on the back, perhaps a sort-of thank you gesture, though Nate wasn't entirely sure. He just nodded, rested his right hand over Serena's left and willed everyone to just go away.

They left then, said they were going to get dinner, asked whether anyone wanted anything bringing back. He might have asked for coffee, an espresso with a shot of hazelnut syrup because that's what she loved. His mouth was too dry to ask for anything at all.

-

The bruises on her face were disgusting and yet she still looked beautiful. Her arms, with their tube in each looked too pale, too spindly, though he knew he was only imagining it. She might have been in a hospital room but she was still the definition of health.

"I need to talk to you Nate." Blair said one afternoon, uncharacteristically softly, though it had seemed Chuck had brought it out in her lately. Her dark curls nodded to outside of the door and when he frowned slightly, Chuck spoke.

"I'll stay here with her. Let you know if she wakes up."

He wouldn't, Nate knew, but he figured that it wouldn't be long before they discharged her anyway, and when they did she'd _have_ to acknowledge him.

"What is it Blair?" He asked, rubbing a tired hand across his face. She handed him a plastic cup of black coffee, steaming hot from the machine.

"I guessed you weren't going to go home any time soon so I brought you this."

"It's from the machine."

"Okay fine, I brought you it from that hallway over there."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome. Now look, I know you want to talk to her, but she'll talk to you when she's ready. You need to go home."

"No." He shook his head. "I want to be here when she wakes up."

"Don't you get it? She's embarrassed Nate."

"She told you that?"

"She chose Tripp over you and then the whole crash happened and he's nowhere. You've been here every day and it's making her feel worse."

"I'm not mad at her for choosing him."

"I know."

"Then-"

"But Serena doesn't."

"Then I need to tell her."

"No." Blair replied firmly. "You _need_ to go home. You can come with us, we'll drop you off."

He shook his head again. "I'm fine."

"You're not fine Nate." She said, rubbing his arm. "You haven't slept in days."

"So you wouldn't do the same?" He asked. "If it was Chuck in that room, you wouldn't have stayed until he opened his eyes."

"I don't know what you mean."

"Before you guys got together. If he'd had an accident, you'd have been here. And I know he'd have been here if that was you in there."

Blair swallowed hard. "You're right."

"I love her Blair. She needs to realise that."

"She already knows." The brunette half-smiled.

"She does?"

"Everyone knows." Her smile was wider. "Since the Shepherd wedding, since…I've always known. When we were going out, I knew. How could _she_ not?"

Chuck entered the hallway closing the door behind him, startling them both. "She's still out. You ready Nathaniel?"

"He's staying." Blair told her boyfriend, entwining her fingers with his as she gave Nate a small smile.

"What? I thought you said-"

"He's staying." She repeated as Nate nodded at her gratefully. "But we should go, maybe give Rufus a hand at home."

Chuck curled his nose. "You're offering to do work that a maid, or a Humphrey, should do?"

She only widened her eyes and pulled him in the direction of the exit.

-

She woke, tickled her fingertips against his gently as she let her eyelashes flick against the white pillow. Her smile made his stomach do something that made him feel a little sick.

"You're still here."

"Where else would I be?" He replied with a smile that hadn't crossed his lips for what felt like years.

"Then, would you come with me?" She asked, her eyes, bright blue and sparkling staring upwards.

"Come where?"

"Up there."

He looked and it was ceiling, white tiles with grey grouting and he wasn't sure what she meant. But when he looked down she wasn't there. The bed was made, folded to perfection and the flat blue line on the monitor told him he'd missed the only chance he'd get.

"No." He shook his head, because she wouldn't leave without him. Not again. "No."

"You need to leave now." The nurse told him as she pulled open the drapes. It was sunny and the brightness hurt his eyes. "Serena's gone."

"No!" He screamed, his hands roaming the bed sheets to find her hiding, to glimpse her blonde waves or the lilac mittens she'd been wearing only days ago. "No!"

"Nate." The same nurse said again, more gently this time. "Nate."

He looked up to see the drapes still closed, the monitor still beeping with its blue line in peaks. And she was still there; blonde and gorgeous and completely alive.

"You were dreaming." The nurse told him, resting a hand on his shoulder to reassure him. "She's going to be okay."

Nate nodded, dazed and sat back, rested his head against the tall arm of the chair.

"Talk to her." The nurse whispered to him with a wink. "She can hear you."

-

"Serena." He took her hand in his as the door closed behind him. "I know you can hear me."

She was good. Not so much as an eyelash flickered. "And if you're going to pretend you can't, well then I'll just have to stay here until you can't stand it any longer. And I don't know if I can muster up a speech as embarrassing as the one I gave before you tried to leave." He smiled as he caught sight of the tiniest of nostril flares. "But I'll give it a shot."

He hoped she'd let him off, make it so that he didn't actually have to say everything he'd felt for the last three years, but this was Serena van der Woodsen, she kept her eyes firmly closed, and it was never going to be easy.

"I'm sorry." He told her. "About what Tripp did – that he moved you. And I'm sorry that you had to go in the ambulance alone and that the first thing I did was call Tripp. And I'm so sorry that I'm not going to be able to make him suffer for what he did to you, but-"

"Stop it."

Her voice was harsh and rough and her lips were trembling awfully. "Just…please, stop apologising."

His hand tried to squeeze hers but she pulled away, a tear escaping down her left cheek.

"You pretended you couldn't hear me." He said, perhaps more coldly than he'd expected to. "I sat here all day yesterday, and not once did you open your eyes."

"I know." She replied, dipping her head. "So like I said, stop apologising."

"Why?" He asked. "Why did you do it? Why did you pretend not to hear me? Why did you go with Tripp?"

"I wanted to believe him." Her eyes were cloudy, tired, sad. "And I couldn't. And all I could think of was you standing on the steps asking me not to go, and I was so mad at myself for making the wrong decision."

"It's not your fault."

She shook her head. "It's all my fault Nate, everything. And I felt so guilty for you being here, so embarrassed. I didn't know what to say to you." She tilted her head, moved her eyes to finally look at his. "I'm so sorry."

"Hey." His hands brushed her cheek, took away the one tear that had fallen and stayed pressed against her skin as she tried to move away. "It's okay."

"But we just got back to being friends and then I went and did what I did with Tripp. I should've listened to you Nate and…why are you here? How can you look at me like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like you're not mad at me."

He chuckled, only slightly and she frowned. "I'm not mad at you."

She shook her head. "Nate you don't have to lie to spare my feelings. I hurt enough people. Just shout at me. Call me a bitch or a home-wrecker or a slut or any of the other things my mom called me and thinks she shouldn't have. I deserve them all."

"I'm not going to call you any of those things." He replied. "And I'm not mad at you. I promise."

"I don't believe you. I can't believe you."

"I've tried to be mad at you." He offered an honest smile. "And I can't be."

"Because I'm in here?"

He shook his head. "Because I love you."

"Nate-"

He pressed his lips against hers, gently, nothing like he did at the Shepherd wedding, but he figured his heart was beating faster than it ever had before, fast enough to flat line.

"I just…I want to believe you." She said quietly. "But-"

"But what?"

"I can't even look at myself right now. How can you even begin to-"

"Because I've loved you for at least three years, probably even more. Because I've dreamed about you dying in this bed and I couldn't bare it. Because you don't know what effect you have on most people, let alone me. And because this-" He added pressing his lips against hers' for a second time. "makes my heart beat so fast that I feel like I might die."

"I wish I wasn't wearing a hospital gown right now." She laughed a little through another couple of tears, watched his eyes as they stared at hers, sparkling.

"You still look perfect."

_And if strife strikes at your sleep_

_Remember, Spring swaps snow for leaves_

_You'll be happy and wholesome again_

_When the city clears and the sun ascends._


End file.
